A collection of lists. Take the challenge. 100 things about yourself. Streaming flow of consciousness, as personal or as general as you care to make it...but make it count. You might learn something about yourself and I promise it's better than 20 questions!
Kathleen: "Okay I have to pre-qualify something, as I laugh here, yes he saw them many years ago and has never recovered. Most men don't. They are gorgeous. [ grin ] And to your credit Shawn I happen to know you love my brains as much as you love my breasts."
1. I hate making lists
2. I hate talking about myself
3. I feel like people don't listen to me; therefore I have learned to listen because I know how it feels.
4. I think Kathleen Bade has the best looking breasts I have ever seen :P
5. I like talking to people about stuff to learn about new things
6. Blue and Green are my favorite colors
7. I don't have many friends
8. The friends I DO have I wouldn't trade the world for
9. I would take a bullet for my friends in a heartbeat
10. I HAVE taken a bullet for one friend; we served in the same unit together
11. I wish I could have become a pilot
12. Planes are a passion of mine.
13. Flying has been a part of my life since I was young.
14. If I was diagnosed with a terminal illness, I would probably go on a shooting spree over where the drug dealers hang out.
15. I hate anyone who uses the race/gender card
16. I hate women who hyphenate their name. Why should I be expected to say an extra word?
17. I hate the term African American, Latino American etc. Either you are African or American, not both
18. I like being alone because you don't get your heartbroke so easily
19. I always pick women who are bad for me
20. Country music is what I listen to because it tells a story or makes a point.
21. I can't stand poorly written music
22. I hate most Rap music
23. I like to cook
24. I like to help people
25. I have a deep dark void inside me
26. Helping people helps fill that void temporarily
27. I like to hold hands
28. If I was to choose which Xmen I would be, it would be Wolverine
29. I am a loner but hate that part about me
30. I wish I had someone in my life where I could go to when I am down or have problems
31. I have been called a Rock by people
32. I have a weakness
33. I am not going to share it because my strength lies within it being kept a secret.
34. I get exploited alot
35. I have gas alot
36. Women who burp are hot!!
37. A woman who drinks beer out of a bottle and burps is even hotter
38. I hate cats but they love me
39. My family disowned me 3 years ago
40. I am not saddened by this, it was a long time coming
41. I was treated like an outsider by both of my dad's familes when I was growing up
42. I have never cheated on a woman
43. I have never hit or grabbed a woman
44. I HAVE thrown my best friend off a second story balcony for hitting his wife.
45. I have saved a life
46. I have had days where it was literally a miracle I lived to see another day
47. I have delivered a baby or 10 in my time
48. I hate that I can't give blood anymore
49. I hate my government for losing control over reality
50. I wish I lived on the coast of Australia
51. I am thinking of a piece of Boston Cream Pie right now (and Kathleen's breasts)
52. My middle name is Erin
53. My real nickname is Amos
54. Amos was given to me by my grandfather
55. He said I was his 'little nigger baby'
56. I was to turn out to be my Grandfathers favorite
57. I have never been to jail
58. I have never failed a grade
59. I have never been to summer school
60. I have never ridden in a limo
61. I have never worn a Tux
62. I have always taken second place, never first, to people
63. My hero is named Robert E. Armbrust
64. He was a fighter pilot
65. My favorite teacher was Mr MacPherson
66. I never took a single class of his but learned so much.
67. My favorite leader was Ronald Reagan
68. I hate cranberry and grapefruit
69. Eggplant sucks too
70. For Christmas I asked for a pic of someones boobs
71. I only got a book on Shamanism for Christmas and a box of chocolates
72. The more I read about Shamanism the more I believe I am one
73. I love video games where I can craft stuff and learn about business practices
74. Playing a crafter on a video game has made me more financially responsible
75. I don't go to bars or clubs if I can help it.
76. I consider my marriage to Tracy my biggest mistake ever
77. I need a new computer
78. I spend alot of time helping others and not enough time helping me
79. I wish I had a friend with benefits that didn't mind spending time doing other stuff with me as well
80. I prefer sundresses on a woman over bikini's
81. Can't stand lingerie; tshirt and cotton panties make me weak in the knees
82. I love crablegs the best, and sushi
83. I believe in the power of the mind and body over drugs and medicine.
84. I just had my heart broke for the last time.
85. I think I want to go become a monk or a Preacher
86. If I DO become a preacher I will still have a beer and tell dirty jokes
87. I am saving up for a Harley
88. When I get that Harley I will be a drifter and travel the US and Canada
89. I am tired of not getting what I want while seeing everyone get what they want
90. I am tired of being there when people need stuff but never invited to do the fun stuff
91. I have decided to not take any crap off of anyone from now on
92. I cry after sex (mace will do that to a man)
93. I think humor is the best way to diffuse any problem or bad situation
94. I can't believe I am doing a 100 list
95. If Kathleen didn't have such great knockers I wouldn't be doing this
96. I think Kathleen is tired of me talking/thinking about her breasts
97. I hate the cold
98. I love being warm
99. I hate this disease I have
100. I don't want anyone to cry at my funeral when I die.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
One Hundred Things ..... Anonymous
A collection of lists. Take the challenge. 100 things about yourself. Streaming flow of consciousness, as personal or as general as you care to make it...but make it count. You might learn something about yourself and I promise it's better than 20 questions!
1. Just want Kathleen Bade to give me a second glance.
2. I long for the Upper Midwest but live in Ohio – live through siblings all over the North Country – visit often.
3. I have been alone for 17 years personally, but am always surrounded by people. Anyone with me would have to understand that we have no privacy, but we can be wonderful to everyone.
4. I started on TV when I was 17, this will be my 45th year doing what I love – weather on TV – it is a hobby and I am never bored.
5. My God reason for being an exposed person is to be the person anyone can come too when they have a problem. No matter what, I will help.
6. I rescued a total stranger with cerebral palsy from a nursing home and put him into his own apartment and gave him a life until he died last year. For a decade I was his only family.
7. Work janitor could not get to work – I got him a car.
8. An abused woman stranger came to me and I gave her money for plastic surgery.
9. Woman and son lost job. Was going to be evicted – I kept them in their house until she got back on her feet.
10. No one knows even a fraction of what I do quietly, so it is God driven that people come to me.
11. My house would not be for entertaining adults. Every room has trains, toys, dinosaurs in elaborate layouts for my grandchildren to play with.
12. I have a hockey rink in my yard.
13. I have a snow making machine to make snow since it is my first love as a kid – now. I am a failure if I do not have 20 feet of snow at my house in a winter, haha.
14. I love to snow ski, dog sled, play hockey and never watch TV even though I am on it – want to be active every minute.
15. I have two daughters 5 grandchildren 2 dogs and 2 cats – only the 4 legged ones live with me.
16. I grew up in Iowa, retain the simple decent qualities of the Midwest.
17. My hair is still mostly black – thank you dad.
18. I do not whine.
19. I do not blame others for anything that happens to me.
20. I see the good in everyone.
21. I’m the uncle all the nieces and nephews want to see and go on vacation with.
22. I am a good judge of character.
23. I was in the Army – helicopter unit - #1 marksman Spirit and Honor Medal
24. I graduated with degrees in college in Math, Climate, Speech
25. I have taught 6-7-8 science and math just to fill my days while working on TV.
26. I am an actor.
27. This would be my 20th season in the outdoor drama TECUMSEH this summer.
28. I am with SHADOWBOX LIVE a sketch comedy, rock and roll troupe 9 months out of the year.
29. I am in the AP Broadcast Hall of Fame.
30. I have been voted favorite television personality in Columbus since the early 1980s EVERY YEAR – Columbus Monthly.
31. I am not an egocentric person so this is a very hard list for me to do.
32. If Kathleen Bade would find time to talk to me, she would not be disappointed.
33. My reading is almost exclusively science or history related.
34. I watch for shooting stars almost every night the sky is clear.
35. A fire will mesmerize me.
36. I talk to myself all the time.
37. My favorite moment is when I fall into bed after midnight every night.
38. I believe aliens did land in Roswell, New Mexico – one cat is named Roswell, other is Drizzle.
39. I believe the next life – dimension – is right next to ours, just out of our eye vision.
40. I believe that those on the other side do give us signs if we are quiet, sensitive, aware.
41. I cry.
42. I laugh more.
43. I can relate to people down and out, I had a drug problem 25 years ago. Have walked that line.
44. I miss my father, he has been gone 10 years.
45. My 85 year old mother still teaches aerobics.
46. I am close to my family.
47. I love doughnuts.
48. I love Ovaltine.
49. I do not drink alcohol.
50. Why are a lot of my closest friends owners of restaurants?
51. I used to bowl and play softball.
52. I miss bowling and softball.
53. I could be passionate – still waiting on that one special woman – I think it is you.
54. Don’t ask me how I know – I do.
55. I do not kiss and tell.
56. I have a good relationship with me ex and her husband, they visit my house.
57. I have no enemies.
58. I go to church.
59. Duluth, Minnesota and Dubuque, Iowa are my favorite towns.
60. My TV station sends me on trips with viewers every year – my love of it is still questionable, places fantastic.
61. I spent 10 days on a working ore freighter – Edgar Speer, out of Two Harbors MN to help them understand weather/shipping.
62. I am fascinated by the Edmund Fitzgerald.
63. Superior is my favorite lake.
64. I am going to Hawaii in two months for 10 days.
65. I was in the Canadian Rockies last summer.
66. I love Austria and Switzerland and the mountains there.
67. My dog, Penny C, is a pug/chihuahia and she loves me.
68. My dog, Sammie C, is a golden retriever; he is food motivated.
69. I never date a co-worker.
70. I rarely date viewers who seek me out – not sure of their motives.
71. Like to keep some of me private.
72. I love toy trains, Lionel, every since I was little.
73. Christmas and snow make me glow.
74. I love autumn leaves and crisp air.
75. I love walking at midnight in August when crickets, cicadas, and others chirp up a loud storm.
76. Worst day of my year is day to take down the ice rink for the season.
77. Best day is putting it up.
78. I drive a Buick – does that make me old.
79. I like shuffleboard – that does make me seem old for sure.
80. I would not disappoint Kathleen Bade – she would rethink some of her list if she knew me.
81. We only see 72 days of blue skies where I live.
82. I also do forensic work when weather is involved in court cases.
83. Yes even murder trials and arson against the mob trials.
84. My name and phone number is still listed in the phone book.
85. But I have a concealed carry permit.
86. I like to grow watermelon and pumpkins – takes no effort for a big reward.
87. Howling wolf in the woods of northern Wisconsin is special.
88. I want to see a live bear in the woods sometime.
89. I have coyotes, fox, deer where I live.
90. I once killed a rattlesnake when rock climbing in the Army – no other way to not get bit – noosed it with wire.
91. Still feel bad about it, never would hurt an animal.
92. My cat Drizzle is smarter than me, and more cunning.
93. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters.
94. I dream of climbing Everest – would settle for Ranier.
95. I wished I knew other languages.
96. I work from noon to midnight = little social life.
97. I am not quite the man my father was still.
98. I am 62, look like I’m in my 40s, act like I am in my 20s for activity.
99. Almost last chance for Hurricane Kate to notice me.
100. Kate sometimes fleeting glimpses do tell much and do open your eyes.
1. Just want Kathleen Bade to give me a second glance.
2. I long for the Upper Midwest but live in Ohio – live through siblings all over the North Country – visit often.
3. I have been alone for 17 years personally, but am always surrounded by people. Anyone with me would have to understand that we have no privacy, but we can be wonderful to everyone.
4. I started on TV when I was 17, this will be my 45th year doing what I love – weather on TV – it is a hobby and I am never bored.
5. My God reason for being an exposed person is to be the person anyone can come too when they have a problem. No matter what, I will help.
6. I rescued a total stranger with cerebral palsy from a nursing home and put him into his own apartment and gave him a life until he died last year. For a decade I was his only family.
7. Work janitor could not get to work – I got him a car.
8. An abused woman stranger came to me and I gave her money for plastic surgery.
9. Woman and son lost job. Was going to be evicted – I kept them in their house until she got back on her feet.
10. No one knows even a fraction of what I do quietly, so it is God driven that people come to me.
11. My house would not be for entertaining adults. Every room has trains, toys, dinosaurs in elaborate layouts for my grandchildren to play with.
12. I have a hockey rink in my yard.
13. I have a snow making machine to make snow since it is my first love as a kid – now. I am a failure if I do not have 20 feet of snow at my house in a winter, haha.
14. I love to snow ski, dog sled, play hockey and never watch TV even though I am on it – want to be active every minute.
15. I have two daughters 5 grandchildren 2 dogs and 2 cats – only the 4 legged ones live with me.
16. I grew up in Iowa, retain the simple decent qualities of the Midwest.
17. My hair is still mostly black – thank you dad.
18. I do not whine.
19. I do not blame others for anything that happens to me.
20. I see the good in everyone.
21. I’m the uncle all the nieces and nephews want to see and go on vacation with.
22. I am a good judge of character.
23. I was in the Army – helicopter unit - #1 marksman Spirit and Honor Medal
24. I graduated with degrees in college in Math, Climate, Speech
25. I have taught 6-7-8 science and math just to fill my days while working on TV.
26. I am an actor.
27. This would be my 20th season in the outdoor drama TECUMSEH this summer.
28. I am with SHADOWBOX LIVE a sketch comedy, rock and roll troupe 9 months out of the year.
29. I am in the AP Broadcast Hall of Fame.
30. I have been voted favorite television personality in Columbus since the early 1980s EVERY YEAR – Columbus Monthly.
31. I am not an egocentric person so this is a very hard list for me to do.
32. If Kathleen Bade would find time to talk to me, she would not be disappointed.
33. My reading is almost exclusively science or history related.
34. I watch for shooting stars almost every night the sky is clear.
35. A fire will mesmerize me.
36. I talk to myself all the time.
37. My favorite moment is when I fall into bed after midnight every night.
38. I believe aliens did land in Roswell, New Mexico – one cat is named Roswell, other is Drizzle.
39. I believe the next life – dimension – is right next to ours, just out of our eye vision.
40. I believe that those on the other side do give us signs if we are quiet, sensitive, aware.
41. I cry.
42. I laugh more.
43. I can relate to people down and out, I had a drug problem 25 years ago. Have walked that line.
44. I miss my father, he has been gone 10 years.
45. My 85 year old mother still teaches aerobics.
46. I am close to my family.
47. I love doughnuts.
48. I love Ovaltine.
49. I do not drink alcohol.
50. Why are a lot of my closest friends owners of restaurants?
51. I used to bowl and play softball.
52. I miss bowling and softball.
53. I could be passionate – still waiting on that one special woman – I think it is you.
54. Don’t ask me how I know – I do.
55. I do not kiss and tell.
56. I have a good relationship with me ex and her husband, they visit my house.
57. I have no enemies.
58. I go to church.
59. Duluth, Minnesota and Dubuque, Iowa are my favorite towns.
60. My TV station sends me on trips with viewers every year – my love of it is still questionable, places fantastic.
61. I spent 10 days on a working ore freighter – Edgar Speer, out of Two Harbors MN to help them understand weather/shipping.
62. I am fascinated by the Edmund Fitzgerald.
63. Superior is my favorite lake.
64. I am going to Hawaii in two months for 10 days.
65. I was in the Canadian Rockies last summer.
66. I love Austria and Switzerland and the mountains there.
67. My dog, Penny C, is a pug/chihuahia and she loves me.
68. My dog, Sammie C, is a golden retriever; he is food motivated.
69. I never date a co-worker.
70. I rarely date viewers who seek me out – not sure of their motives.
71. Like to keep some of me private.
72. I love toy trains, Lionel, every since I was little.
73. Christmas and snow make me glow.
74. I love autumn leaves and crisp air.
75. I love walking at midnight in August when crickets, cicadas, and others chirp up a loud storm.
76. Worst day of my year is day to take down the ice rink for the season.
77. Best day is putting it up.
78. I drive a Buick – does that make me old.
79. I like shuffleboard – that does make me seem old for sure.
80. I would not disappoint Kathleen Bade – she would rethink some of her list if she knew me.
81. We only see 72 days of blue skies where I live.
82. I also do forensic work when weather is involved in court cases.
83. Yes even murder trials and arson against the mob trials.
84. My name and phone number is still listed in the phone book.
85. But I have a concealed carry permit.
86. I like to grow watermelon and pumpkins – takes no effort for a big reward.
87. Howling wolf in the woods of northern Wisconsin is special.
88. I want to see a live bear in the woods sometime.
89. I have coyotes, fox, deer where I live.
90. I once killed a rattlesnake when rock climbing in the Army – no other way to not get bit – noosed it with wire.
91. Still feel bad about it, never would hurt an animal.
92. My cat Drizzle is smarter than me, and more cunning.
93. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters.
94. I dream of climbing Everest – would settle for Ranier.
95. I wished I knew other languages.
96. I work from noon to midnight = little social life.
97. I am not quite the man my father was still.
98. I am 62, look like I’m in my 40s, act like I am in my 20s for activity.
99. Almost last chance for Hurricane Kate to notice me.
100. Kate sometimes fleeting glimpses do tell much and do open your eyes.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
One Hundred Things ..... Anonymous
A collection of lists. Take the challenge. 100 things about yourself. Streaming flow of consciousness, as personal or as general as you care to make it...but make it count. You might learn something about yourself and I promise it's better than 20 questions!
1. I have been living below the poverty line for several years.
2. I have been looking for cashmere sweaters on mark down for several years.
3. Today I bought three lovely cashmere sweaters, cheap! I am wearing one now, and it feels lovely.
4. I tend to be unsympathetic when people tell me they suffer from depression. I do not tell them I am unsympathetic. I do not see depression the way it is currently viewed. I do try to cheer them up, but I refuse to “feel their pain” when they say there is nothing wrong but depression. Own up to it, or walk away from it. Don’t just dawdle there full of self pity.
5. I love to smile, and to be smiled at.
6. I am totally in love with my daughter. I have been ever since the day I was giving her a bath and she didn’t want me to wash her hair. She wasn’t talking yet, but she tried anyway. She stood up in the tub, put her hands on my cheeks, and holding my face in her tiny hands and looking me straight in the eye, she babbled at me in a stern voice. I knew she was telling me that the way I was washing her hair was unacceptable. To this day she still hates for water to get on hair face while she is washing her hair. BTW, to wash a child’s hair w/o getting water on their face, use a wet washcloth.
7. People tend to think I eat weird food. I think they do.
8. I do not want another pet because I am longing for freedom, for travel, for not taking care of another anything or anybody.
9. I was fearless when I was young.
10. I am very honest, and was fearless with my honesty when I was young.
11. I have learned to be afraid of telling the truth.
12. I miss it.
13. I jumped out of an airplane at 10,000 feet. The freefall was amazing. I didn’t care for it when the chute opened and stopped the fall. Floating down was fine, but jumping out and falling was the best part.
14. I have known people to do horrible things, yet I still believe that each of us contains the very best of all things. I do not believe in evil, as in I do not believe that there is something in one that is not in another. And I do not say this lightly. Tell me of the most horrible act by the most horrible person, and I will say that we are all equal.
15. I do believe it is of immense value to do our best to be kind, and help others, and avoid harming others.
16. I love people. It seems ever so much easier to do well from a distance.
17. The thing that I resent about being a mother is that I feel like I am no fun now, not in the way that I was before I became a mother.
18. I never wanted to be a single mom. I resent that too.
19. I never thought my husband would cheat on me. It was one thing that I knew for sure.
20. I am an adoptive mother, yet I did not seek my daughter, she came to me.
21. I think I express myself best in writing.
22. I cry easily.
23. I yell, even though I think it is the wrong way.
24. I used to hit when I was mad.
25. Before I started hitting when I was angry, I was hit by others when they were angry.
26. It felt powerful good when I hit instead of being hit.
27. This is starting to read like therapy. Fair warning, it might get worse.
28. I love dry, dark humor.
29. I also love dark chocolate.
30. Men? I dunno. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t heterosexual.
31. I love women, but I am not quite bi. I do think women are generally better looking than men. I would like to live in a society where women hold hands and snuggle. And there are societies like that. If it was acceptable, I would love up lots of people in that way. Not sex, just physical expressions of love.
32. I do miss sex. I have only had sex a couple times in the last five years, and none at all in a very long time.
33. I am starting menopause.
34. I am GLBT friendly, but will not date men who cross dress.
35. I like ritual.
36. I have studied many, many subjects, formally and informally.
37. I am a clutter bug, but I love clean.
38. I love good sheets, feather pillows, and high end mattresses.
39. I love to travel.
40. I can enjoy dives just as much as posh places.
41. I was arrested on a felony charge. Aggravated assault/assault with a deadly weapon. It was self defense. It was in a bar. The guy was making me leave with him, and no one would stop him, even though I was asking for help. He was someone I knew, but not someone I wanted to leave with. He was big time bad news. I busted his head open with a glass, left handed even, cause that was my only opportunity. The bartender called the police; I waited for them, figured it was the lesser of two evils. The guy dropped the charges on Monday, after I sat in jail all weekend.
42. When I was a child, I loved to run. I was sure I could fly if I just ran fast enough.
43. I had terrible nightmares as a child.
44. I sucked my thumb until about 2nd grade.
45. I want to see Thailand, Greece, Italy, Africa, and jungles, rainforests, and India, and Guatemala, and...
46. I only look like a white girl. I do not feel like a white person. I am not exactly prejudiced against white people, but they kinda scare me in general. And I often feel like I am an imposter around them. And I feel like a wanna-be around ethnic people. I am a woman without a tribe.
47. I dream of winning the lottery. Really. I would not be surprised if it happened. I am often slightly surprised when it doesn’t.
48. I think I could love again, and believe I would love well given another chance. But I don’t fall in love easily these days.
49. I never thought I would get this old.
50. Things are good. Life is peaceful, and I am safe. The only things that threaten me are the demons of my past.
51. I have agreed to start seeing a psychotherapist. This is hard for me, because as you might remember, I don’t much believe in whining.
52. The main reason I decided to is because I realized I do not have all the tools I need to raise my daughter at this stage of her life.
53. I cried all day yesterday. I cried because I realized that both of my parents had failed to protect me when they should have. I always blamed my mother, and idolized my father. Yesterday I realized that he should have not gotten me a fake id when I was underage, and that when I told him I was working at a peepshow, he should have told me to stop.
54. I am afraid that if I think about it too long, remember too much, talk about the facts of the matter, that I will have to conclude that I was never loved the way I love my daughter.
55. I am crying now.
56. I am a spiritual person. God has spoken to me throughout my life. His advice is always sound. I do not believe in a traditional God, but I know the Divine. And I still call it God. I am confounded that others do not hear God.
57. I would like to help other people find the peace I have at times.
58. There are so many things I want to do in this world it is hard to know where to start, what to give my attention to. I tend to do what is in front of me.
59. My daughter is beginning puberty. I hope I am past the worst of my mood swings before she begins the worst of hers.
60. I love to feed others good food.
61. I think soup can be beautiful. Or a simple salad, or bread.
62. I like it when others feed me. My neighbors sent over casserole yesterday, and somebody shoveled my front walk today. Those things make me feel loved.
63. Awhile ago I realized it was no longer appropriate to donate money to charities when I needed charity. So I made a decision that I would not put money in the church plate, and I would cancel my “sister” that I supported monthly, and ignore all formal charity requests. But I also decided that I would refuse no personal requests for help. Interesting the people who have showed up in my life, asking for anything from three dollars to two eggs, or to use the phone. It has felt good to always say yes. It has also been a practice in non judgment to always say yes.
64. I love deviled eggs.
65. I love to play.
66. I like to drink tequila straight, if I am drinking seriously, which I don’t do often.
67. I love the water.
68. I love flying.
69. I have flown an ultra light, cut the engine, and glided into a desert sunset with only the sound of air moving past me.
70. My favorite memory of Jamaica is the snorkel guide who dived to the bottom and then popped up next to me to surprise me with a sea urchin on top of his dreadlocks.
71. I learned to scuba dive in Mexico.
72. My family is hard to trust.
73. I love them, even when I avoid them.
74. My mother is exceptionally smart, as are many of my siblings.
75. My mother was raped as a child. She was younger than my daughter is now.
76. I was turned out by a trick when I was a child. Maybe you don’t know what this means. “Turned out” refers to how one was convinced to begin in prostitution. It often is a reference to what a pimp does to a girl to start her in the life. “Trick” refers to a man who supports and promotes the sex trade because he seeks girls to pay for sex. And “child” means it was illegal. I spent the money on food and stuff for Mom. She did ask where I got it. I did tell her some guy paid me 50 dollars for a massage.(And that was what he called it, and what he told me to do at first, and then told me/taught me/coaxed me to finish with a hand job). She did not give any further feedback, just a grocery list.
77. I first tried cocaine when I was about 14. I became addicted by 18, and did not quit until I was 25.
78. I did not run away from home. My mother dropped me off at a school friend’s house and then was unable to be reached for a very long time.
79. I was a good kid, eager to please. Unfortunately, the things that pleased others were not good for me.
80. The first street drugs I tried were from my mother’s top dresser drawer.
81. I want to be a good mother.
82. I feel like this is getting whiny, and want to rewrite. I will just change subjects.
83. I love people. I think they are beautiful. I think I can often see their Divine Essence shining thru.
84. I have had dreams of people close to me as they were passing over. It’s nothing to be afraid of.
85. I am sure that death will be a cakewalk. Maybe that’s not the word I want. Piece of cake? Well, sweet and easy is what I am getting at.
86. I overeat, and am holding the line between overweight and obese. I don’t like being fat.
87. If I had a lover, I would slim down without even trying.
88. I like to garden, to plant seeds, to tend and nurture, to harvest, and to put up the bounty that is reaped. I like to open those jars full of summer on a cold winter day. I like to share the deliciousness with my friends and neighbors.
89. Life is a miracle, yet still I am prochoice.
90. When I win the lottery, I will have a personal masseuse.
91. When I was seven, I was reading the Chronicles of Narnia, at nine, Piers Anthony. By eleven, Kahlil Gibran.
92. I love to read.
93. I read more nonfiction then fiction these days.
94. I love music, especially live.
95. I love marching bands. When I win the lottery, I will hire a marching band for my birthday every year.
96. In seventh grade, in gymnastics, my teacher scored my floor routine a 10. It felt so good.
97. I was a tomboy, always outside, climbing, running, jumping.
98. I hated becoming a girl as a young teen.
99. I am always growing, learning, and changing.
100. I believe that we all emerged from one divine essence, that we all remain a part of one divine essence, and we will all return to one divine essence.
1. I have been living below the poverty line for several years.
2. I have been looking for cashmere sweaters on mark down for several years.
3. Today I bought three lovely cashmere sweaters, cheap! I am wearing one now, and it feels lovely.
4. I tend to be unsympathetic when people tell me they suffer from depression. I do not tell them I am unsympathetic. I do not see depression the way it is currently viewed. I do try to cheer them up, but I refuse to “feel their pain” when they say there is nothing wrong but depression. Own up to it, or walk away from it. Don’t just dawdle there full of self pity.
5. I love to smile, and to be smiled at.
6. I am totally in love with my daughter. I have been ever since the day I was giving her a bath and she didn’t want me to wash her hair. She wasn’t talking yet, but she tried anyway. She stood up in the tub, put her hands on my cheeks, and holding my face in her tiny hands and looking me straight in the eye, she babbled at me in a stern voice. I knew she was telling me that the way I was washing her hair was unacceptable. To this day she still hates for water to get on hair face while she is washing her hair. BTW, to wash a child’s hair w/o getting water on their face, use a wet washcloth.
7. People tend to think I eat weird food. I think they do.
8. I do not want another pet because I am longing for freedom, for travel, for not taking care of another anything or anybody.
9. I was fearless when I was young.
10. I am very honest, and was fearless with my honesty when I was young.
11. I have learned to be afraid of telling the truth.
12. I miss it.
13. I jumped out of an airplane at 10,000 feet. The freefall was amazing. I didn’t care for it when the chute opened and stopped the fall. Floating down was fine, but jumping out and falling was the best part.
14. I have known people to do horrible things, yet I still believe that each of us contains the very best of all things. I do not believe in evil, as in I do not believe that there is something in one that is not in another. And I do not say this lightly. Tell me of the most horrible act by the most horrible person, and I will say that we are all equal.
15. I do believe it is of immense value to do our best to be kind, and help others, and avoid harming others.
16. I love people. It seems ever so much easier to do well from a distance.
17. The thing that I resent about being a mother is that I feel like I am no fun now, not in the way that I was before I became a mother.
18. I never wanted to be a single mom. I resent that too.
19. I never thought my husband would cheat on me. It was one thing that I knew for sure.
20. I am an adoptive mother, yet I did not seek my daughter, she came to me.
21. I think I express myself best in writing.
22. I cry easily.
23. I yell, even though I think it is the wrong way.
24. I used to hit when I was mad.
25. Before I started hitting when I was angry, I was hit by others when they were angry.
26. It felt powerful good when I hit instead of being hit.
27. This is starting to read like therapy. Fair warning, it might get worse.
28. I love dry, dark humor.
29. I also love dark chocolate.
30. Men? I dunno. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t heterosexual.
31. I love women, but I am not quite bi. I do think women are generally better looking than men. I would like to live in a society where women hold hands and snuggle. And there are societies like that. If it was acceptable, I would love up lots of people in that way. Not sex, just physical expressions of love.
32. I do miss sex. I have only had sex a couple times in the last five years, and none at all in a very long time.
33. I am starting menopause.
34. I am GLBT friendly, but will not date men who cross dress.
35. I like ritual.
36. I have studied many, many subjects, formally and informally.
37. I am a clutter bug, but I love clean.
38. I love good sheets, feather pillows, and high end mattresses.
39. I love to travel.
40. I can enjoy dives just as much as posh places.
41. I was arrested on a felony charge. Aggravated assault/assault with a deadly weapon. It was self defense. It was in a bar. The guy was making me leave with him, and no one would stop him, even though I was asking for help. He was someone I knew, but not someone I wanted to leave with. He was big time bad news. I busted his head open with a glass, left handed even, cause that was my only opportunity. The bartender called the police; I waited for them, figured it was the lesser of two evils. The guy dropped the charges on Monday, after I sat in jail all weekend.
42. When I was a child, I loved to run. I was sure I could fly if I just ran fast enough.
43. I had terrible nightmares as a child.
44. I sucked my thumb until about 2nd grade.
45. I want to see Thailand, Greece, Italy, Africa, and jungles, rainforests, and India, and Guatemala, and...
46. I only look like a white girl. I do not feel like a white person. I am not exactly prejudiced against white people, but they kinda scare me in general. And I often feel like I am an imposter around them. And I feel like a wanna-be around ethnic people. I am a woman without a tribe.
47. I dream of winning the lottery. Really. I would not be surprised if it happened. I am often slightly surprised when it doesn’t.
48. I think I could love again, and believe I would love well given another chance. But I don’t fall in love easily these days.
49. I never thought I would get this old.
50. Things are good. Life is peaceful, and I am safe. The only things that threaten me are the demons of my past.
51. I have agreed to start seeing a psychotherapist. This is hard for me, because as you might remember, I don’t much believe in whining.
52. The main reason I decided to is because I realized I do not have all the tools I need to raise my daughter at this stage of her life.
53. I cried all day yesterday. I cried because I realized that both of my parents had failed to protect me when they should have. I always blamed my mother, and idolized my father. Yesterday I realized that he should have not gotten me a fake id when I was underage, and that when I told him I was working at a peepshow, he should have told me to stop.
54. I am afraid that if I think about it too long, remember too much, talk about the facts of the matter, that I will have to conclude that I was never loved the way I love my daughter.
55. I am crying now.
56. I am a spiritual person. God has spoken to me throughout my life. His advice is always sound. I do not believe in a traditional God, but I know the Divine. And I still call it God. I am confounded that others do not hear God.
57. I would like to help other people find the peace I have at times.
58. There are so many things I want to do in this world it is hard to know where to start, what to give my attention to. I tend to do what is in front of me.
59. My daughter is beginning puberty. I hope I am past the worst of my mood swings before she begins the worst of hers.
60. I love to feed others good food.
61. I think soup can be beautiful. Or a simple salad, or bread.
62. I like it when others feed me. My neighbors sent over casserole yesterday, and somebody shoveled my front walk today. Those things make me feel loved.
63. Awhile ago I realized it was no longer appropriate to donate money to charities when I needed charity. So I made a decision that I would not put money in the church plate, and I would cancel my “sister” that I supported monthly, and ignore all formal charity requests. But I also decided that I would refuse no personal requests for help. Interesting the people who have showed up in my life, asking for anything from three dollars to two eggs, or to use the phone. It has felt good to always say yes. It has also been a practice in non judgment to always say yes.
64. I love deviled eggs.
65. I love to play.
66. I like to drink tequila straight, if I am drinking seriously, which I don’t do often.
67. I love the water.
68. I love flying.
69. I have flown an ultra light, cut the engine, and glided into a desert sunset with only the sound of air moving past me.
70. My favorite memory of Jamaica is the snorkel guide who dived to the bottom and then popped up next to me to surprise me with a sea urchin on top of his dreadlocks.
71. I learned to scuba dive in Mexico.
72. My family is hard to trust.
73. I love them, even when I avoid them.
74. My mother is exceptionally smart, as are many of my siblings.
75. My mother was raped as a child. She was younger than my daughter is now.
76. I was turned out by a trick when I was a child. Maybe you don’t know what this means. “Turned out” refers to how one was convinced to begin in prostitution. It often is a reference to what a pimp does to a girl to start her in the life. “Trick” refers to a man who supports and promotes the sex trade because he seeks girls to pay for sex. And “child” means it was illegal. I spent the money on food and stuff for Mom. She did ask where I got it. I did tell her some guy paid me 50 dollars for a massage.(And that was what he called it, and what he told me to do at first, and then told me/taught me/coaxed me to finish with a hand job). She did not give any further feedback, just a grocery list.
77. I first tried cocaine when I was about 14. I became addicted by 18, and did not quit until I was 25.
78. I did not run away from home. My mother dropped me off at a school friend’s house and then was unable to be reached for a very long time.
79. I was a good kid, eager to please. Unfortunately, the things that pleased others were not good for me.
80. The first street drugs I tried were from my mother’s top dresser drawer.
81. I want to be a good mother.
82. I feel like this is getting whiny, and want to rewrite. I will just change subjects.
83. I love people. I think they are beautiful. I think I can often see their Divine Essence shining thru.
84. I have had dreams of people close to me as they were passing over. It’s nothing to be afraid of.
85. I am sure that death will be a cakewalk. Maybe that’s not the word I want. Piece of cake? Well, sweet and easy is what I am getting at.
86. I overeat, and am holding the line between overweight and obese. I don’t like being fat.
87. If I had a lover, I would slim down without even trying.
88. I like to garden, to plant seeds, to tend and nurture, to harvest, and to put up the bounty that is reaped. I like to open those jars full of summer on a cold winter day. I like to share the deliciousness with my friends and neighbors.
89. Life is a miracle, yet still I am prochoice.
90. When I win the lottery, I will have a personal masseuse.
91. When I was seven, I was reading the Chronicles of Narnia, at nine, Piers Anthony. By eleven, Kahlil Gibran.
92. I love to read.
93. I read more nonfiction then fiction these days.
94. I love music, especially live.
95. I love marching bands. When I win the lottery, I will hire a marching band for my birthday every year.
96. In seventh grade, in gymnastics, my teacher scored my floor routine a 10. It felt so good.
97. I was a tomboy, always outside, climbing, running, jumping.
98. I hated becoming a girl as a young teen.
99. I am always growing, learning, and changing.
100. I believe that we all emerged from one divine essence, that we all remain a part of one divine essence, and we will all return to one divine essence.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)